I find myself questioning am I loved?
It’s not the normal type of questioning though – this isn’t some kind of victim woe is me kind of questioning.
I’ve done a lot of work on owning and recognising my emotions and feelings, this is something else.
Having done some self reflection and realisation, I know this is because, as someone with codependent traits, unless I’m doing something for someone, I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel loved or loveable.
It’s a strange dynamic.
Unless I’m actually doing something to provide value to the world, something to make a difference in someone’s life, I feel empty and that my reason for being isn’t being fulfilled.
How do I get through this and defeat this driving force?
I know it’s about self validating, and knowing because God loves me, I am loved. If I can just settle in God’s love, then I’ll be well and good, as it says in the book of Pslams, all is well with my soul.
I need to rest in Gods love for me before I can really give love from a place of security and peace.