I learned from a young age that I was never right. Dad would always tell me I was lying whenever I gave my version of events.
If I didn’t agree with Dad, then I’d be hit, hard! And then sent to my room.
Sounds crazy, but I learned very quickly that unless I agreed with dad about myself, I’d get punished.
I soon learned that I couldn’t trust my own opinions, my head felt clouded, my mind confused and I soon developed anxiety and panic attacks.
I couldn’t think straight at all!
It took me years before I was able to start owning my emotions and realising that I could trust myself.
I still have trouble trusting people today, and trusting myself to be fair.
I have a tendency to agree with others, I lose myself and forget what my values are. I begin to lose my boundaries and begin to behave and think in a way that I think would please the other person.
Then when I look in the mirror or wake the next morning I feel sick, I can’t get up because I feel depressed that I’ve not been true to myself.
I feel like an idiot, and it goes all the way back to my childhood.
So I need to learn how to validate myself, know my emotions and thoughts. Know who I am and stand by it.