So tonight was supposed to be a social evening. I’ve been suffering with anxiety after recent contact with my ex made me feel invalid, unworthy and not good enough.
There was nothing I could do to change those feelings, and if I let it continue, I’d hide away in my room and shake and cry and eventually puke.
So I’m sat in a wine bar with a glass of red and along comes a girl who immediately opens up about all her problems.
Red flags fly high, it’s an exact representation of my ex, right from the star sign (not that I’m into horoscopes) all the way through to how the conversation gets thrown right back to her problems, no matter what the subject is.
Now I know the good lord has given me a gift and calling to give relationship counselling and advice, so despite the flash back, I couldn’t ignore this opportunity to fulfill my reason for being here.
So codependency aside, I don’t offer advice, I just ask questions. Soon I’m able to pigeon hole the personality traits of both her and the guy who’s manipulating her emotions. After several back and forth with questions, she sees the light and realises what she must do to break free of the persons control over her.
Had I gone down the codependency route, I would’ve put my foot in it, offering advice, telling her what to do, even perhaps making suggestions to meet up and walk through some kind of weird counselling.
Today was different!
And I’ve also had chance to prove I’ve changed. I pushed her back when she leaned in for a kiss, and told her I’m not available.
That was a truly powerful moment! I stuck to the values and virtues that I’ve been working on. I stood to my integrity and I was the greater man.
I told her I respected her, and wanted her to know her value as a woman. That she didn’t have to give herself away like that.
I don’t know if all the work I’ve been doing on my codependent self helped in holding my virtues, but I felt good and didn’t feel the need to pursue “love.” You see, one of the things about codependency is that sexual activity (which begins in physical intimacy) is mistaken for love.
I knew that love would be to respect this woman instead, to protect her heart and mine.
I feel self righteous writing this, but it’s about noting the major steps I’m making and I feel that I should celebrate this moment.
I showed someone their worth and respect. She even said she had an enlightening moment. I hope this has everlasting effects for good on her heart and character.
A new me 1