Someone said to me, to model healthy relationships to my children, I need to cultivate and work on having healthy relationships in my life.
To be fair, I’m too old for relationships that are infused with drama. And I’ve learned those aren’t relationships. They’re something else altogether. They’re called entanglements.
Entanglements seem to be things that cause two people to fight for power. Some would say it’s a drama triangle.
The rescuer, victim and aggressor.
I’m at the point now where I’ve realised I got into those entanglements because I needed love but couldn’t attain it. Whenever I gave over my own needs to placate the other, I died a little inside. I became a shadow of who I really truly am.
Yet the other couldn’t give love back, we would get caught in an entanglement, a bond where we’d strive for power.
Sometimes it would result in physical abuse, emotional abuse, snide remarks that made me feel small or criticism that made me feel not good enough.
I’m now dedicated to friendships that are based on encouragement and empowerment. If I have a friend, I have to ask myself how can I empower them? How can I encourage them to be the person God intended them to be?
I sat next to a good friend in church and told him what I appreciated about him, how I value him and why and what I saw in him.
These relationships are so much more fulfilling! And they’re not conducive to codependency!