So I’m aware now that part of codependency is feeling alone, even when with people.
At the moment I’m aware of this deep ache within, it usually hits this time of night. I’m with two friends, cooking in the kitchen while they watch to.
I should be thinking how great it is to have friends and instead I’m wondering how I can soothe the hole inside.
I’m not sure where it’s come from, I always felt alone as a child, even though I had a brother and sister. This is the same feeling as I had back then.
It’s like a deep longing for something, someone. Someone to tell me I’m loved, loveable. Yet I know that won’t be enough. That would be defaulting back to my external locus of control.
I need to reel this back in, I need to have an internal locus of control and revert back to my higher power, Jesus, to know he loves me, in here for a purpose, I am loved by him.