So I’m coming into a deeper understanding today of myself.
There’s a garbage song that has the lyrics and title “I’m only happy when it rains.”
That’s been the theme for all my relationships. I’ve only been happy when they’re causing me misery or I’ve felt bad or been mistreated.
The problem hasn’t been with the other people at all.
The problem IS me.
It’s what I’m used to. I don’t understand real love, I think if I’m being treated like crap, I deserve it and that’s all I deserve because that’s the love my Dad showed me.
Or if I’m being abandoned in a relationship and neglected, that’s love… because that’s how Mum treated me.
So how do I fix this sickness?
I’ve been listening to YouTube about this, why I always go for people who treat me bad.
It suggested I spend time around people who I will naturally find not my type – because the rule is, if there is no drama, no bad feeling, then it’s the opposite of what I expect and chances are it’ll be love.
As I absorb myself in the atmosphere of genuine people, my mind will heal and I’ll be able to see things clearly and actually love being in the presence of people who treat me well.