This morning I woke late, it’s been a long weekend and emotional.
So I needed to just get a little longer in bed and recover.
Didn’t do me much good though, I’m still settling inside, still got that nagging weird feeling of anxiety in my stomach.
I’m glad for mindfulness, it saves my mind from wandering to the inevitable what ifs. Practising mindfulness keeps me in the present.
It’s not enough, though, to keep me from acting out my codependence. Especially when a friend calls at 8:30am, outside my door unannounced and wants to go for a coffee.
I know he’s going through a hard time, so I feel extremely bad that I couldn’t be there for him when he turned up. I start to blame myself for having a lay in, and wish I’d got up earlier so I could be there for him.
Coupled with the mild anxiety, and my unsettled emotions, it all seems just a little crazy.
I know I should be thinking about recovery, so I thought about what I could do – so I said I’d join him in 15 minutes, it was then up to him if he’d stick around. He did!
I don’t know why I kicked myself for not being ready, I didn’t even expect him to turn up. It was totally out of the blue.
I think I put too high a value on being there for people. Perhaps it’s because I felt that my Dad was not there for me when I needed him?