Acceptance and Boundaries

I was reading the recovery materials again, for recovering from codependency, and I realised I’m in the third stage for the majority of my awareness – Acceptance.

The link is here: https://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency/

I realised that I’m no longer in denial about my behaviours, but sometimes there are some behaviours that have lurked beneath the surface and it’s only when I start acting out and my mind triggers that what I’ve just done is an acting out of codependency, that I begin to self assess.

It’s so weird how so many of my default normal behaviours come out of codependency.

Like when someone is struggling with a suitcase, I want to help.

When I see someone lifting a heavy box, I want to jump in and lift it for them.

Is that normal behaviour? For me, I’m conscious it could come from my codependency.

When someone opens up to me and they’re struggling, my immediate reaction is to jump in with “Well, this is what I’d do…” instead of listening and not saying anything, or simply offering empathy.

They say the first step to breaking this addiction (to helping, considering the needs of others while neglecting my own needs) is to become aware of it.

I find awareness is an ongoing journey though, and although I’m only three weeks into serious recovery, I’m noticing more and more of my default behaviour.

The secret is not to kick myself, but to be aware, take a personal inventory and commit to change, one day at a time.

The hardest thing is, being afraid that when I set boundaries, people will dislike me.

In counter to this, I was listening to a youtube video on spotting type B personalties, and how to avoid them. As a codependent I’m a sucker for these types, who feed off our willingness to give love, as codependents, at any expense to us.

People with type B personalities, apparently, hate boundaries, because they provide a barrier which prevents them from a narcissistic supply, which is easily obtainable from a codependent.

So having boundaries, internal boundaries, and sticking to them isn’t just for my personal recovery, but it should also protect me from those who would abuse my trust and willingness to love and care.

That’s a massive relief, apparently type B personalities account for up to 15% of the population – 1 in 7. I’ve come across so many people who fit the spectrum of type B, and I fall for it all the time, the games, the lure, the promise of a fantastic life, lured in by the love bombing or abusive cycles that give our brains a kick of oxytocin, the “love chemical” that gets us hooked.

Boundaries are good, but can only be put in place when I’m self aware and in acceptance of my behaviour needing to change.

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