Reflecting on narcissistic abuse in relationships and healing

Ever wondered, like me, why you keep getting into relationships with people who don’t seem to treat you right…

Yet you keep going back?

You lose yourself, trying to please the other, yet in the back of your mind there’s something wrong, in the pit of your stomach something’s not right, but you ignore those red flags.

A niggling feeling turns into anxiety, inability to concentrate and perhaps disinterest in socialising, irritability, dissatisfaction with life and the things you used to enjoy?

This video helped me understand why:

Those kind of relationships are probably toxic, and alert, you’re probably, like I was, in a relationship with someone who is a type B personality (narcissistic, psychopathic and antisocial – not necessarily the violent type, but could be reclusive, few friends and wants to draw you away from yours, or while in social settings, constantly trying to zone you two in, so everyone else “isn’t there.”)

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

It’s taken me about 5 months to recover from mine – 4 months of idealisation followed by 8 months of constant abuse and devaluation.

It left me traumatised, afraid to trust again and immediately I started to attract needy, desperate people into my life who, if I’m honest, were spitting images in some way or form of my ex.

I had the strength to cut them out of my life immediately, and resist their pressure to get into a relationship but had I not learned, I wouldn’t be single right now, and would have gone straight into another abusive relationship.

What saved me was my higher power, Jesus, a good friend who helped me with recovery, friends in my church, family and myself – I wanted to change and stop attracting negative people.

If this all sounds familiar, you’re not alone, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but from my experience, you’re going to need to be determined to get out of the toxic relationship and stay away… in my case that means no contact. Absolutely none.

Not even at Easter, my birthday or even our planned would have been wedding date.

Nothing. No contact. It’s the only to heal and move on and reflect enough to know the warning signs next time, and accept ourselves with compassion.


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