I’m listening to one of my favourite bands – Apocalyptica – this morning, and S.O.S came on, “Anything but love.”
The lyrics really resonated with me today as I am in a state of contentment and reflection on my life.
I am feeling good today and able to listen to this without feeling angry or upset about my past.
They really do speak of some of my past relationships –
“you can give me anything but love”
“go on and fight me”
“go on and scare me to death”
“I’ll be the victim, you’ll be the voice in my head”
It’s quite sobering listening to those lyrics and realising that’s probably what characterised some of my recent relationships and the sad state that I lived in, with criticism, condemnation and guilt tripping running around my head.
I believe I’m better than this, I can choose to be better than allow myself back into relationships and friendships that create a breeding ground for guilt tripping, manipulation and beating me down.
The answer, I think, is to not be so free with my kindness and generosity – but to remember what I value in a person, what I value in a friendship and if something doesn’t prove along these lines after a while, to just let it fall by the wayside.
It’s not about cutting people out – that’s discarding. It’s about focussing on people who are going to be a positive influence, who know how to love and receive love.