For a while I’ve valued emotional availability. It’s one of the things I knew I wasn’t, especially as I was going through a massive discovery about myself.
My higher power, Jesus, has been so good to me that I’m now able to be at peace when alone.
I used to have panic attacks, more do to with tecovering from narcissistic abuse I think and to a lesser degree codependency.
Perhaps the codependency traits came in as a result? Who knows? Not even my therapist can figure out where they came from yet, perhaps they’re what they call a personality trap? Something that’s not permanent? Something my triggeted by certain things? Who knows?
Now I find my self able to listen to others, and now I’m meeting a friend because he wants to run a few things past me.
Perhaps this is my calling? This request to meet has coincided with my lunch break. Easy to see signs though isn’t it?
I find that the more comfortable I am being alone, the more emotionally available I am for my friends.
It’s a strange one though, I’d expect the more I wanted to be around people the happier I’d be.
Instead I find it’s the more I’m happy with my own company, as I grow in the security of who or what I am, that I’m able to give more of myself to those I love.