I realised I had some ‘rescuer’ traits in January 2017. For those who don’t know, it means I try to fix things in order to receive love and affection, to get noticed and feel good about myself.
It wasn’t until a friend shared a youtube series with me on codependency that I realised I was codependent:
I’d done some self reflection, a lot of journaling and research on psychology to understand who I am, how I’m made and what the hell was going on with me.
Throughout my life, I’ve been through a lot. Divorced at 32, several addictive behaviours that I had to break, been codependent in relationships since I was 16, which took their toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. I also made decisions that had some consequences I’ve had to deal with.
All in the quest for love.
I had to make a change but I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to.
I’d done things to please people all my life, and when I refuse to help others I know are in need, I feel so guilty that I could die.
This is the life of a codependent.
I’m writing this in order to let you in on what it’s like to live as a codependent, give you insight into the daily struggle and hopefully raise awareness and compassion for those of us who are fighting the good fight.