The rescuer complex

It sounds romantic, doesn’t it, being a ‘rescuer.’ The idea of a white knight in shining armour, coming to the rescue of all those within his reach in order to save them.

Just imagine my typical day, I walk down the high street and due to my empathic nature, I pick up on distress and trouble within body language. How people carry themselves affect me. I feel their pain and joy.

Add into the mix I’m INFJ, one of the rarest personality types, I internalise a lot of what I process and naturally want to help.

Now bearing in mind this comes from a wound in my past where I didn’t feel good enough, I wanted to be loved and felt that whatever I did was never good enough, I now feel a driving force within myself to make things better.

The drive to fix

To fix things in the hope of receiving adoration, affection, love and kindness.

That’s what’s at the core of the rescuer.

We believe that if we can fix something for someone, everything will be better and love will flow within the relationship. That seldom ever happens, and we actually end of sacrificing who we are, running ourselves into the ground and becoming resentful and sabotaging things.

We have a deep need to put the needs of others above ourselves, forsaking our own resources in order to bring ease and comfort to anyone in distress.

What happens when we choose not to ‘rescue’? Withdrawal!

I personally feel like I’m dying inside, it’s like I deny who I am, but in reality, when I say no, despite how difficult it is, I’m protecting my resources and wellbeing, if I genuinely can’t help.

It’s extremely difficult to say “no”, in fact it probably doesn’t enter into our vocabulary until we’ve done enough work on ourselves to recognise when we can and can’t help.

A Fighter

I’m a natural fighter as a result of this makeup.

I’ll push through and fight for something until the cows come home. It’s a strength that can be misdirected into a wrong cause. Especially if the situation I’m trying to ‘fix’ can’t be fixed by me.




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